I’m currently a database analyst/IS developer in Philadelphia and am concurrently a teaching myself data science and machine learning through a whatever I can find really (textbooks online, MOOC’s, Kaggle, people on Twitter) as well as random side projects that I can think of. I am also working towards applying for a Master’s degree in either Applied Statistics, Analytics, or Computer Science to bolster my educational foundation.
Before it reaches my wife, I should probably preface this piece by saying that I am a happily married father of three stunning children who I adore more than life itself and who serve as my inspiration in all I do.
Why the title then? I'm going to be honest with you now, and I think you'll be able to empathize on some level. Before we get started, I should also clarify that I've just recently begun to notice some of the significant problems I'm facing, and that the answers are still being developed.
Let's go on and get to work on this together:
I'll say it out loud: I place more importance on employee numbers, revenue growth, accolades, money, and all the other supposedly attractive parts of running a business than I should. I always make an effort to act as though they don't matter, but they do.
Fortunately, my wife doesn't consume even a single calorie to feed this attractive metrics obsession. While she and the kids are undoubtedly proud of my professional successes and offer support when things are going badly, they don't give me as much credit as my ego claims I should.
After all, shouldn't my wife be more appreciative of me doing the dishes without being asked than our quarterly results report? Changing diapers and getting the kids ready for bed shouldn't be the only priorities after my final significant interview.
The truth is that the business ADVA Optical Networking SE sector frequently and shamelessly celebrates all of the ego-boosting honors that don't signify much in terms of what matters most in life. I've developed a bad habit of expecting fast gratification, which is a side effect I find myself coping with. I frequently catch myself at work trying to gain that quick ego boost, sometimes at the sacrifice of developing much more valuable personal and familial ties. It often takes countless hours of unappreciated work, which I can only hope will pay off, to be a decent husband and father.
I've put a lot of effort into creating an open and cooperative workplace culture. To get their input on how to best serve our clients' requirements, I even set up regular one-on-one sessions with the staff. These sessions have provided me with priceless feedback that has benefited me personally and enhanced our corporate procedures overall.
If I'm being completely honest with myself, though, it's not often that coworkers confront me. When they consider what issues to bring to my attention, there will always be a component of worry for job preservation, which can keep genuine differences of opinion disguised by a sweet layer of sugar that I probably like more than I care to admit.
The lack of sugar-coated input and the disparity in control surely keep me on my toes at home. It's incredible how opinionated kids can be and how unsuccessfully I can persuade them to change their minds. Not to mention that my wife is not afraid to tell me how she truly feels about my acts, whether they are good or negative.
If I'm being absolutely honest with myself, it can be simpler to concentrate my time and energy on my job to-do list outside of the workplace, where I feel more in control.
Why then do I enjoy being in charge and stroking my ego? The main justification is that I enjoy doing things I think I'm good at. I am quite adept at avoiding situations where I might suffer in my personal or professional life whenever I can.
There is always a subliminal awareness that even if everything goes wrong, I could start anew and probably be fine because work really is just job. I don't feel like failing in my family ties, which can make coping with the challenges we confront unpleasant and even frightening.
Working has taught me a number of lessons, one of which is that the best approach to find a true answer is to talk about the underlying problems.
Some of the worst blunders I've made since establishing my own business have involved attempting to coerce a partner or employee who was clearly not a good fit for the situation for a variety of reasons to work. I mistakenly believed that by picking up the slack or delaying the inevitable, I was being a decent person and helping them out, but after dealing with a few of these situations the hard way, I've discovered that my efforts to be polite were ultimately hurting them, myself, and the company.
Since then, I've discovered that calling a spade a spade and letting everyone go on to something better is in everyone's best interests. Putting these ideas into reality with the family can be challenging because you can't just tell your 7-year-old to leave when you're having problems getting along:-)
If you've read this far, you undoubtedly have some experience that you can connect to. I obviously don't have all the solutions to cope with the three main themes of this piece or other problems that we all encounter, as I stated at the beginning. However, I have discovered a few guidelines that I have been able to follow in my family connections that have already begun to yield fantastic results:
1: Be truthful to oneself
The fact that you are reading this article on LinkedIn suggests that you may be experiencing some signs of workaholism. How has your job become a support in your life? Determine what sources of self-satisfaction from your job are preventing you from pursuing fulfillment in your personal relationships by being honest with yourself.
It's crucial to realize that some of the fulfillment we experience at work really serves to boost our confidence, which can improve our interpersonal bonds. It can help much if you take the time to assess which work-related behaviors are enhancing or harming your personal relationships. If you're anything like me, you tend to default to the easiest path, so taking a few moments to reflect on your actions could be really beneficial.
You are more in charge than you may believe.
The issue I've encountered is that I frequently think about what other people ought to do about themselves in order to satisfy my wants. The truth is that I will never have enough power over anyone to compel them to act in my own self-interest. Putting one's attention on altering oneself is where actual control comes from. We won't make any genuine progress unless we alter ourselves to put the needs of those we care about first. The nice thing is that when we evolve, those we are now striving to serve usually adapt as well, which allows us to accomplish more than we ever imagined.
3. Leave your comfort zone.
It's easier said than done, but you won't be able to give your personal and family ties the priority they deserve until you're prepared to take the first step. You could wait an eternity if you wait for others to take this action. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is usually necessary to create magic, both at work and in personal relationships, so decide to make this a regular part of your life.
In order to make real progress, we must address the problems we face rather than ignoring them. I had to begin challenging myself after realizing that I frequently valued work time before family time.
My wife and three children, whom I mentioned as my life's inspiration at the beginning of this essay, can at times be overshadowed by the opportunity for more immediate gratification at work. Just being aware of the issues I have to address has made it easier for me to establish more effective boundaries to prevent me from straying farther.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject as a work in progress and find out how you've managed to strike a better balance between work and your personal connections. Feel free to contact me directly or provide any advice in the emails section below: stevanmik@gmail.com